World Championship Participant Interview Rob Maslen

This interview was prerecorded on 03/28/07.

TCO: Rob, thanks for taking the time to sit down with us today, I really appriciate it. Anything you are not comfortable answering just give us a `next question`. For those readers who do not know you, or how you came to compete for this year`s world championship, tells us your story.

Rob Maslen: Once upon a time... in a land called Sheffield... I was a member of a University gaming society. There was this really skanky old guy who kept hanging around the society like a bad smell. Everyone hated him. One day though, he brought some brand new decks of cards with him for this amazing new game called Raw Deal. Needless to say, from then on he was the coooolest guy in the whoooole country. Everyone wanted to be his friend and he achieved great things in the name of Raw Deal. Basically, Raw Deal saved his life.

This skanky old guy introduced me to Raw Deal, and for the first year i mostly jobbed because i was finishing off a degree that i wish i`d worked harder towards. Once i`d graduated i spent a couple of months being too lazy to get a job and having nothing to do all day made me more and more sane every day.

I had many revelations in this time, such as how i didn`t need to pay a Capitalist pig-dog to cut my hair when i could do it myself. And whilst reading the posthumously published Bruce Lee book; The Tao of Jeet Kune Do, i became enlightened in all things Raw Deal. This is of course no surprise since Raw Deal is the perfect (well, 98% towards being perfect anyway) simulation of fighting and Bruce Lee is one of the greatest fighters ever.

From then on i triumphantly urinated on many a defeated opponent, winning three tournaments in a row, then coming first or second for a few after that, despite using a different deck each time. Everyone thought i was talking out of my arse when i tried to explain how i was applying the teachings of Bruce Lee to Raw Deal so i gave up trying and just kept beating them while a little part of me died inside.

Seeing the obvious flaws with the game i naturally assumed i could do a better job of playtesting than the current team. So i asked the skanky old guy to offer my services to Mr Toth as a playtester. He of course accepted and i unfortunately discovered that my assumption was correct.

For the next couple of years i near-single-handedly kept Raw Deal down the straight and narrow path of balance. All the while selflessly handicapping myself by nerfing the decks that i would otherwise be enjoying winning tournaments with.

Despite skipping `the money`, following the path of the Raw Deal playtester does lead to `the power` and - once i grudgingly paid someone to fix my hair - this led to `the women`. This complication led me to neglect my divine duty as a protector of Raw Deal and i was guilty of playtesting the Divas set with the lazy assumption that Rules Were Meant to be Broken was so obviously unbalanced that the others would nerf it. Also, somebody else had built a Goldberg tables deck and didn`t see any issue with it so i ignored Goldberg too. This was the beginning of the end of Raw Deal version 1 and until the day i die i will regret trusting others with the fate of this beautiful game.

Wracked with guilt for my failings i quit playtesting and since i was no longer handicapping myself i went on to win the next two UK Nationals. If it weren`t for the huge time difference meaning that the semi-final of last years Worlds was effectively played at 3am, and if American food didn`t have the nutritional value of a shoe then i would have had the energy to take my rightful place as the best player in the world.

But i had to settle for third and since the last UK Nationals i`ve only played in two non-sealed tournaments. In both of these the only games i lost were to Mr PPV, and these were because this travesty of a superstar is an absolute affront to the way i play Raw Deal.

So, being out of practice and unable to fight in my usual style i`m in desperate need of a Rocky style training montage. But the interference of real life caused me to fail to construct a Mr PPV punchbag and i`ve now spent more time writing this than i have building decks. Still, there`s a very very long flight tomorrow in which to prepare...

TCO: wow... speaking of that long flight, are your decks prepared? Do you know who you are going to use?

Rob Maslen: No.

TCO: What decks do you feel are your biggest threat?

Rob Maslen: My own.

PSYCHO: Hey... can I have $5?

Rob Maslen: No.

TCO: If you win the World Championship, you get to make your own card. Do you have plans already for what card you’re going to make? Are you willing to share it with us?

Rob Maslen: Sheffield venue. No idea what it would do.

TCO: Having been to the world championships before, how is that impacting your preparation?

Rob Maslen: Yup. Made me prepare and worry less. The WCs seem to be treated like a normal tournament by most people there. I was even mildly berated for playing cheese last year! Maybe it`s because most participants are USians who`re spoiled with so many qualifiers and having the WCs in their own country. Maybe that`s why they don`t see it as as much of a big deal as we do over here with our once a year qualifier.

It`s basically just the same as a normal big tournament but cutting straight to the top 16, which i`m sure we`ve all done a whole load of times.

TCO: Has the late announcement of the formats for the worlds impacted your preparation at all?

Rob Maslen: Yup, blah blah blah, two decks to make instead of one, blah blah...

TCO: Raw Deal seems to be becoming more political over the last year. Has this impacted you at all, do you see this impacting you at all?

Rob Maslen: Yup, it`s made me laugh a lot. Society programs us to find it very interesting to watch people argue, vis a vie (sp?) the WWE. And Raw Deal is emulating the WWE so ego-driven arguments are inevitable.

TCO: Just for the record, what are your feelings on Revolution?

Rob Maslen: I had stopped buying and playing Raw Deal just before GAB, but i bought a couple of boxes of Revolution and am starting to play again now. That pretty much sums up my feelings...

TCO: The Mark Laroche Xperience – a great party, or the greatest party?

Rob Maslen: It was as great as a party full of card playing-males and one card-playing female could be, which is a lot. I generally prefer conversations with girls though what with me being metrosexually inclined.

TCO: Besides yourself, is there someone that you’re cheering for this year at the World Championships?

Rob Maslen: Everyone. I hope we all do really well, have a good time, and give the worldwide community of players something to be excited about.

TCO: What are your plans for the future?

Rob Maslen: Save the world by smiling more at strangers.

TCO: Which is better, Cake or Pie?

Rob Maslen: As long as it`s vegetarian it`s all good. I`m such a whiny f***

TCO: Will the Saints make it to the Superbowl next year?

Rob Maslen: I gave up on sport after "my" team lost a big match and i felt gutted and then realised that i had no control over the result and that it had no actual effect whatsoever on my life or the people i knew. So feeling gutted about it was clearly ridiculous and i chose waste my time on other pursuits instead.

If i ever actually care about American Football then i may as well be dead. Like i said, whiny f***

TCO: The soapbox is yours. Are there any parting comments you’d like to share?

Rob Maslen: Well, i do sometimes have a little bit of a side-parting in my hair, but only if it starts turning out that way while i`m straightening it. I`m not in full control of how it turns out and need more girls to discuss technique with you see. But wait, i`m obviously just trying to be funny, and failing, but at least trying, maybe next time i`ll succeed...

TCO: Rob, you haven`t failed at all. It`s been our pleasure, thank you. Any time you would like to come back and visit us for an interview, we would be glad to have you.