JBL = Profit

<Jeremy Borash is walking around the CWA backstage area, sidestepping a pair of grips preparing open mics for later in the show when he finds the door he is looking for, a solid oak door with a polished brass handle. A placard on the door reads "John Bradshaw Layfield", with a smaller Layfield Energy logo beneath that. JB knocks on the door.>

JB: Mr. Layfield? JBL, if we could just have a word on your match tonight against CM Punk...

<The door opens to reveal a smartly-dressed assistant, a man with an LCD screen over one eye streaming stock prices.>

Assistant: Hello? You've reached the mobile office of Layfield Energy and the remote investment center for Mr. John "Bradshaw" Layfield.

JB: Could we just get a word with JBL for the show tonight?

<The assistant looks visibly annoyed at JB.>

Assistant: Can I put you on hold for just a moment?

<The assistant presses a button on the side of the LCD's earpiece before he looks at JB.>

Assistant: What do you want? We're trying to run a business and manage an investment portfolio here.

JB: Look, I just want to get some comments from JBL-

<JBL's voice comes from inside the room.>

JBL: Trish said they'd be comin' by, just let 'em in already!

<The assistant opens the door, and the camera rounds the corner to reveal JBL wearing a Mamajuama Extreme windbreaker, along with his ten gallon hat and trademark towel. The front of the windbreaker bears a JBL logo. The usual black elbow pads and knee pads adorn his joints, along with his black ring boots.>

JB: JBL, I gotta ask-

JBL: My name is John "Bradshaw" Layfield, and I don't know who the hell you are, so you can call me Mr. Layfield.

JB: Mr. Layfield, I'm Jeremy Borash. You know, the backstage interviewer for TNA? You never saw me on Thursday nights on-

JBL: Ok, Jimmy Olsen, you can stop right there. Let me tell you one thing: there's only two people on this roster who've ever been WWE Champion, and only one of them is a Great American. There's one person on this entire roster that I respect, and that's Chris Jericho, but God almighty had better help him if he gets to face JBL for the belt.

JB: So you're not worried about CM Punk at all?

<JBL laughs heartily.>

JBL: Jimmy, I haven't been worried about anybody I set foot in a ring with since Ron Simmons. CM Punk ain't Ron Simmons; hell, he ain't even good enough to lace Ron's boots! Hey, camera guy, get over here.

<The camera moves closer so JBL can look directly into it.>

JBL: CM Punk, I saw your little speech. What happened between me and Rey-Rey, that was strictly business. I needed time to get my back straight, get some things attended to. My back is better than ever and business is booming in a recession. I'm doing pretty damn good. The last time I met you in the ring, I looked like I was poured into my tights, my back was a wreck, and I still destroyed you with a Clothesline from Hell for the 1-2-3. Now? Now I'm in the best shape of my career, I'm back at my peak, and all you've done is lose titles, lose opportunities, and lose your mind. Hell, boy, all you've got to show for two years in Vince's back pocket is a beard! You even lost your girlfriend and she was workin' right alongside ya! Not that I blame her in the slightest.

JB: What about your other possible opponents tonight? You talked about Chris Jericho but what about AJ Styles, Gavin Payne, Christopher Daniels, Alpha, and D2?

JBL: D-who? Al-what? Jimmy, don't come in here and start throwing nobodies at me. Do you know who I am?

JB: Of course, you're JBL. You used to tag with Faarooq, right?

<JBL rises out of his chair, slowly removing his hat and setting it on the endtable next to his bottle of 418 Energy Boost.>

JBL: I told you, Jimmy, my name is John Bradshaw Layfield. I am a Great American, the longest-reigning WWE Champion in SmackDown! history, and a wrestling GOD. Get it right or CM Punk won't be the only jackass to get a boot planted between his eyes. Punk, you say that being straightedge makes you better than all of these people? Hell, boy, you don't even know where your limits are, 'cause you never pushed yourself hard enough to hit 'em. I have worked harder, and worked smarter, than anyone else in this business or in this country. That is why I am richer than you, that is why I am more highly decorated than you, and that is why I can achieve alone what you reach for with two bundles of dead weight draped across your shoulders. When the night is done, I will be CWA Heavyweight Champion. Now get the hell out of here unless you're buyin some Mamajuma Extreme or bringin' me a beer, I've got a match to prepare for.

<Borash quickly backs out of the makeshift office, nudging past the LCD-wearing assistant and motioning for the camera guy to follow him. Just before the door closes...>

JBL: Damn it, Cramer, you can't tell 'em to sell in a recession, you gotta stimulate the economy!

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