TCO Dungeon of Doom

[Today]

• ECW on Sci-Fi and Revo RV... by Daeva [Today at 03:44:12 PM]
• Bret hart VC by DebuRaito [Today at 02:24:34 PM]
• Mr. PPV Throwback by mrpeoplesteam [Today at 01:50:51 PM]
• cm punk VC by DebuRaito [Today at 01:35:06 PM]
• Power Kanegers!!!! by Theren [Today at 09:13:47 AM]
• Card of the Day/Week by Scotty [Today at 06:49:55 AM]
• charismatic enigma by ironteeth [Today at 02:14:02 AM]
• Who Will START The Game?! by Daeva [May 23, 2013, 08:05:38 PM]
• UFS Singles website. by njbrock22 [May 23, 2013, 05:32:45 PM]
• Virtual Survivor Series by CreedP [May 23, 2013, 05:17:45 PM]
• Which WWE Mid-Star would ... by dilbert505 [May 23, 2013, 02:15:20 PM]
• Cowbell by Commissioner D2 [May 23, 2013, 12:30:42 PM]
• LackeyCCG Errors/Updates by CreedP [May 23, 2013, 08:40:37 AM]
• The Shield [JUSTICE UPDAT... by rumpelstiltskin [May 23, 2013, 05:59:59 AM]
• Ridiculous Alterna-Art Su... by rachelmon [May 23, 2013, 02:54:29 AM]

Article Catagories

Feature Articles

Chicken Soup for Antigoth`s Soul

Raw Deal Articles

UFS Articles

Submit an Article

Find Out how to get paid to write UFS Articles

Members

• Total Members: 1455
• Latest: chory rasta

Stats

• Total Posts: 97612
• Total Topics: 8920
• Online Today: 34
• Online Ever: 492
• (August 06, 2008, 10:47:20 PM)

Users Online

Users: 7
Guests: 15
Total: 22

Buddha Dudley
Sandt21
Supernova
kingofkings_909
CreedP
piperspitt
maaaddenman

[BigPimpin]

1. During a recent creative meeting, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero were called in and told that both of their gimmicks were being overhauled, as they had gotten stale over the last few years.  The meeting was said to have lasted about five or six hours, and there was a lot of shouting going on, but precious few knew the details, and neither Dolph nor Vickie were talking.

The next week, on Raw, Dolph and Swagger were scheduled to tag against R-Air-Truth-Boom, but the trio was arguing in two separate segments about something that went over everyone's head.  But by the time the trio reached the ring, everything seems to have been settled.  Until the match ending, where Dolph hit Swagger with the Zig-Zag and walked out, leaving the victory to Little-Boom-Truth-R-Jimmy's-Air.

Dolph and Vickie disappear off of Raw, not speaking to anyone, for a solid month.  Swagger is the target of pity by Little Jimmy, and much like The Powers of Pain picked up a wiped out Mr. Fuji and made him theirs after Demolition dumped him, Truth-R-Litte-Air-Jimmy-Boom took Swagger on, and this would lead to a largely-unembraced face run in which Swagger would go 1-3 while trying to get acclimated with being managed by Little Jimmy and not cheating anymore.

But we'll get back to Jack in a second.

One month later, we once again see Vickie Guerrero for the first time in her new look.  

Now, Vickie was always dressed relatively nice for a woman her age, until we see her now, when she's dressed in a light-colored blouse, and dirty jeans.  She begins doing vignettes during both Raw and Smackdown that are dubbed "Vickie Guerrero Living", in which she displays how to garden, cook, and do other household chores in creative and decorative ways.

Being a male-dominated program, the audience largely shits on this.  We're talking serious X-Pac heat, complete with shitty Uncle Kracker theme song.

We also notice that Vickie has sick money.  And she's not afraid to show it off.

Two weeks in, we then see what Dolph Ziggler's repackaging is, as he comes out with a buzzcut, wearing a pinstripe suit and bluetooth headpiece, and referring to himself when pressed as Dolph The Broker.  Vickie refers to him as her "stock magician".  Dolph doesn't talk to the camera, he simply smiles and nods, playing second fiddle to Vickie Guerrero's Living segments.

Until Jack Swagger comes along.

Jack threatens to "expose" Vickie for the financial fraud she is, and threatens that he could put her and Dolph away "for a long time."

It doesn't take long for the tensions between the now-mute and very reserved Dolph The Broker and Swagger to mount, and the payoff match is set for the next Pay Per View, but each man has a stipulation to add.  Vickie wants no DQ, which is fine by Swagger, but Swagger wants Vickie Guerrero handcuffed to Little Jimmy so she can't interfere (see, Swagger knows her tricks from the previous gimmick...some continuity people!).  Even the new conservative Dolph can't help but crack a small smile on this one, as the match is agreed to.

And here's where it really goes south.

First of all, the second the referee clamps the handcuffs on Vickie and "Little Jimmy", Vickie sells like she's been shot.  She and "Little Jimmy" brawl all the way to the back within two minutes of the match opening bell.

And for the last little bit of piss icing on the crap cake...this new Dolph The Broker (whose first match since the changeover is tonight) doesn't do anything flashy or even remotely entertaining.  He punches, he kicks, he uses rest holds, and he swings foreign objects.  He doesn't sell, much less oversell...he's basically been stripped of all wrestling talent as part of his gimmick change, reduced to a complete opposite of his previous in-ring gimmick.

The match ends with Dolph's new finisher, The Stock Market Crash Mark V, a heart punch, knocking out Swagger and pinning him.

Despite his threats to go to the authorities with the information, Swagger doesn't.  In fact, he claims he doesn't remember the last several months and has no idea who "Little Jimmy" is.  Completely no-selling the Vickie/Dolph feud and the friendship with R-Truth and Kofi Kingston, he goes on to do nothing of note as the old "Get On Your Knees" Ankle-Locking Jack Swagger.  The announcers try to sell the Deus Ex Machina storyline of the hit to the head scrambling his brains, which earns them legit heat from outside sources and forces a shoot retraction.  

Dolph would lose a feud with the returning Irwin R Shyster before quitting the E.

Vickie's Living segments were eventually faded out and she became a generic wealthy character that did little more than stand around with the heel GM du jour.

And the Dolph/Swagger match was given a Jackie Gayda for worst match of the year.

2. Without question April Jeanette Mendez, otherwise known as AJ Lee.  From her Wiki page: "Mendez is a self-described tomboy and geek[56] and enjoys comic books and video games.[1]"

The evening would start off with some nourishment at some fine establishment...loc al Italian place for flavor.  Say she's in New Jersey for a show for this date...I'd take her to Cioffi's of Union.  A local fine Italian restaurant with atmosphere but not too much noise, so we can mentally stimulate each other in topics (video games, comics, TV, etc) that would keep us conversing for a long time.  Her personality and mine just...mesh.  One of the other topics I'd broach with her is music, and while she's taking a bathroom break, I'd make sure my iPhone had some of the music she liked that was singable...

...because then I'd whisk her away to Oddfellows in Hoboken for KARIOKE NIGHT!  We'd laugh, we'd drink, we'd make fools of ourselves singing some of her favorite music.  A good time would be had by all.  

As the night starts to descend, sometime around midnight, we'd begin to walk the Hoboken bar scene, picking a bar that looks like it'd be a good time.  Have a drink, stay in one, a regular bar crawl.  We're both tipsy, but we're knowing when to stop so we're not sloppy.  Plus we're enjoying ourselves as well, talking and getting closer.

As the last call sounds out, we decide we're going to duck out a couple of minutes early to catch a ride back to her hotel.  We hop on the PATH train, taking it from Hoboken all the way back to Newark Penn Station, and then we walk to the attached hotel, a stone's throw from the Prudential Center from which the next live event will air.  I'd walk her to her room door, and thank her for an excellent time.  I'd begin to ask her when I can see her again, and she'd respond with a gentle kiss.  She'd tell me the next time she'd be in the area, and that we should see each other again then.  She then says her goodbyes, and she walks into her room, closing the door slowly behind her.  

I'd smile a tipsy, happy smile.  

And then I'd go bang Eve Torres until she couldn't walk straight.

Physical, mental, and emotional stimulation achieved.  How much better of a date can you get?

3. Attn: Vince McMahon, Paul & Stephanie Levesque

Competition - REAL competition, not that crap Hogan and Bischoff ruin on a weekly basis - is what drives any business model, including yours.  Competition is what makes your brand stand out.  Through the fires of competition came some of your best ideas, angles, and matches.  A new generation of wrestlers came from your competition with WCW and, to a lesser extent, ECW.  You have the resources.  You have the warchest.  Find the next generation of WCW and ECW (for the uninitated, Vince was found to have been funding ECW during the Monday Night Wars in exchange for using it as a form of injury rehab)...RoH isn't a bad candidate for the new ECW, but if you don't like it, there's other ones that can quickly dwarf it (I'm looking at you, PW:G) with funding for wrestlers and bigger arenas.  You need perceived competition in order to spark the business again.  And if anyone can make fake competition, it's you...how else would anyone explain the XFL?

[dilbert505]

1. The worst gimmicks are the kind that destroy the best gimmicks, and we have an opening for just that sort of gimmick. I'm re-packaging Hornswoggle as Little Jimmy. First, we want bad, and Vince never quite understood the idea of good taste, so Little Jimmy's not going to be a happy little Irish fella. Oh, no. This looks like a job for facepaint. And not the Ultimate Warrior type. Much worse. I'm not even looking at Great Muta without the lightning bolt theme. We're talking Midget Al Jolson from The Jazz Singer here. If he could sing, he'd be just this side of bursting out into a rendition of Swanee.

Now, Little Jimmy's always been R-Truth's imaginary friend, and just because we've made him real doesn't mean he's "real" real. No, he's going to start interfering in matches, tripping people up, swinging weaponry... and nobody's going to notice a thing, except for R-Truth. Not Kofi, not Spider-Boom's opponents, not the refs, not the announcers, nobody backstage, not a soul. So, when R-Truth's in the ring, and the ref's distracted, Little Jimmy comes sliding in, chair at the ready, decks whoever Truth's facing, and the ref turns around, sees a chair in the ring, a guy down, and Truth? It won't take the ref long to put two and two together and get disqualification.

This will go on for a few weeks, with Truth getting ever more hysterical about Little Jimmy turning on him, interfering in his matches, female dog set me up, that sort of thing. All the while, Jimmy's look is getting more and more depraved. Not just the blackface. We're going all out here. Tattered rag for a hat, loin cloth, no shoes, maybe a hoe (no, not Eve, an actual farm implement.

...

No, still not Eve!)

Anyway, Truth decides he's had enough of Little Jimmy, so he's going to get it all out in the open. Truth and Jimmy are going to have it out in the middle of the ring, mano-y-invisible mano, at Summerslam. We get the typical training montages from each, R-Truth going back home for some good old, down home cooking, getting pumped on that Spider Stew. Meanwhile, Little Jimmy's seen operating a cotton gin, picking fruit, and, somehow, weightlifting. The big day comes, Truth comes down to the ring a man possessed. He's ready to take Jimmy out, and free himself of this horrible, racist nightmare. Then the strains of "Jimmy Crack Corn" hit, and out toddles Little Jimmy. He hops in the ring, and the ref, still entirely unsure what the hell is going on here, asks Truth if Jimmy's here or not. He is, the bell rings, and it's on. Truth takes a stab at Jimmy, who ducks out, rolls under the ring, and out from the other side rolls BIG Jimmy: Sheamus, in similar rags and blackface. Sheamus begins beating Truth from pillar to post, no regret, no mercy, just whaling away at him with all he's got. Truth tries desperately, and fails to mount any offense. Big Jimmy hits all his finishers, one after the other: Amistad Curse, Black-Eyed Peas Kick, Catholic Cross, just everything he can. After Truth is splattered all over the mat, the ref, who still sees nothing but Truth getting bounced around like a child in a Gravitron, tentatively drops to his knees and counts. 1. 2. 3.

Then, the lights go out, purple smoke fills the arena, and a hooded figure makes his way to the ring. A disguised voice begins to mock R-Truth.

"Conspiracy. Such a big word, for such a little man. Convinced everyone was out to get you, from the invisible "Man" in charge, to your invisible friend, Little Jimmy. But funny enough, your name was more prescient than you know, for you did speak the "Truth." There was a conspiracy to hurt you, keep you from glory, make you a fool. A conspiracy, orchestrated by a... higher power than you could even imagine. And I know it burns you, never knowing just who was keeping you down."

The lights come up. A hand raises to the hood, and yanks it back...

...

Revealing a wild-eyed Evan Bourne. "It's ME, R-Truth! It was me, all along!"

Fade to black.

-------

2. Well, I was wavering back and forth here between Beulah McGillicutty and Kimona Wanaleya, but on second thought, I'll take 'em both. I'm hardcore.

-------

3. OK, I was intending to be funny here, really wanted to come up with something good, but forget it. This is a perfect chance to rant about something that actually does really, really get on my nerves, and I'm going to take it.

Can someone, anyone, anyone at all PLEASE hire a full staff of referees that aren't made of wet tissue paper, and have more brain cells than fingers? For God's sake, if I have to sit through another "Oh, no, someone sneezed within thirty-five feet of a referee, we're surely set up for a false finish now!" moment, I think I'm going to start hunting down retired UFC champions, tranquilizing them, and forcing them into referee training, just so we can actually watch a match decided by the damn wrestlers wrestling!

And that's not even the greater part of my damn problem. I'm about ready to take a two-by-four to the head of every referee ever to officiate a tag-team match, because I can't even remember the last time I went two full matches without seeing the stupid damn "Oh, the face on the apron is mad because I'm a jackass and trying to remember how the Macarena goes instead of checking to see what the hell's going on in the heel's corner. I better go scream at the face to get out of the ring instead of taking time out of my busy schedule of scratching my ass and sniffing it to look over my goddam shoulder and see if something's actually happening over there..." AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

... Whew. OK, I feel a bit better now.

But seriously, WWE, TNA, hell, just about every creative department in the business. YOU RELY ON THAT STUPID BULLCRAP WAY THE HELL TOO MUCH. Try figuring out what the matches would look like with credible referees, who actually have the capacity to take a bump like a normal human being, and the ability to critically analyze a situation and decide what a proper course of action might be. You might be surprised what happens when the wrestlers get to put together matches that don't involve the same damnable spot, over and over again, to infinity and beyond.

[njbrock22]

Big Jimmy hits all his finishers, one after the other: Amistad Curse, Black-Eyed Peas Kick, Catholic Cross, just everything he can.

slight nitpick here, it should be if you're going for the southern stereotype, the "Southern Baptist Cross" but eh, and that's it, both you and Pimpin need to send in applications to TNA & WWE NOW! we need writers like you...

N.J.

[Homeless]

1. The worst gimmicks are the kind that destroy the best gimmicks, and we have an opening for just that sort of gimmick. I'm re-packaging Hornswoggle as Little Jimmy. First, we want bad, and Vince never quite understood the idea of good taste, so Little Jimmy's not going to be a happy little Irish fella. Oh, no. This looks like a job for facepaint. And not the Ultimate Warrior type. Much worse. I'm not even looking at Great Muta without the lightning bolt theme. We're talking Midget Al Jolson from The Jazz Singer here. If he could sing, he'd be just this side of bursting out into a rendition of Swanee.

Now, Little Jimmy's always been R-Truth's imaginary friend, and just because we've made him real doesn't mean he's "real" real. No, he's going to start interfering in matches, tripping people up, swinging weaponry... and nobody's going to notice a thing, except for R-Truth. Not Kofi, not Spider-Boom's opponents, not the refs, not the announcers, nobody backstage, not a soul. So, when R-Truth's in the ring, and the ref's distracted, Little Jimmy comes sliding in, chair at the ready, decks whoever Truth's facing, and the ref turns around, sees a chair in the ring, a guy down, and Truth? It won't take the ref long to put two and two together and get disqualification.

This will go on for a few weeks, with Truth getting ever more hysterical about Little Jimmy turning on him, interfering in his matches, female dog set me up, that sort of thing. All the while, Jimmy's look is getting more and more depraved. Not just the blackface. We're going all out here. Tattered rag for a hat, loin cloth, no shoes, maybe a hoe (no, not Eve, an actual farm implement.

...

No, still not Eve!)

Anyway, Truth decides he's had enough of Little Jimmy, so he's going to get it all out in the open. Truth and Jimmy are going to have it out in the middle of the ring, mano-y-invisible mano, at Summerslam. We get the typical training montages from each, R-Truth going back home for some good old, down home cooking, getting pumped on that Spider Stew. Meanwhile, Little Jimmy's seen operating a cotton gin, picking fruit, and, somehow, weightlifting. The big day comes, Truth comes down to the ring a man possessed. He's ready to take Jimmy out, and free himself of this horrible, racist nightmare. Then the strains of "Jimmy Crack Corn" hit, and out toddles Little Jimmy. He hops in the ring, and the ref, still entirely unsure what the hell is going on here, asks Truth if Jimmy's here or not. He is, the bell rings, and it's on. Truth takes a stab at Jimmy, who ducks out, rolls under the ring, and out from the other side rolls BIG Jimmy: Sheamus, in similar rags and blackface. Sheamus begins beating Truth from pillar to post, no regret, no mercy, just whaling away at him with all he's got. Truth tries desperately, and fails to mount any offense. Big Jimmy hits all his finishers, one after the other: Amistad Curse, Black-Eyed Peas Kick, Catholic Cross, just everything he can. After Truth is splattered all over the mat, the ref, who still sees nothing but Truth getting bounced around like a child in a Gravitron, tentatively drops to his knees and counts. 1. 2. 3.

Then, the lights go out, purple smoke fills the arena, and a hooded figure makes his way to the ring. A disguised voice begins to mock R-Truth.

"Conspiracy. Such a big word, for such a little man. Convinced everyone was out to get you, from the invisible "Man" in charge, to your invisible friend, Little Jimmy. But funny enough, your name was more prescient than you know, for you did speak the "Truth." There was a conspiracy to hurt you, keep you from glory, make you a fool. A conspiracy, orchestrated by a... higher power than you could even imagine. And I know it burns you, never knowing just who was keeping you down."

The lights come up. A hand raises to the hood, and yanks it back...

...

Revealing a wild-eyed Evan Bourne. "It's ME, R-Truth! It was me, all along!"

Fade to black.

-------

2. Well, I was wavering back and forth here between Beulah McGillicutty and Kimona Wanaleya, but on second thought, I'll take 'em both. I'm hardcore.

-------

3. OK, I was intending to be funny here, really wanted to come up with something good, but forget it. This is a perfect chance to rant about something that actually does really, really get on my nerves, and I'm going to take it.

Can someone, anyone, anyone at all PLEASE hire a full staff of referees that aren't made of wet tissue paper, and have more brain cells than fingers? For God's sake, if I have to sit through another "Oh, no, someone sneezed within thirty-five feet of a referee, we're surely set up for a false finish now!" moment, I think I'm going to start hunting down retired UFC champions, tranquilizing them, and forcing them into referee training, just so we can actually watch a match decided by the damn wrestlers wrestling!

And that's not even the greater part of my damn problem. I'm about ready to take a two-by-four to the head of every referee ever to officiate a tag-team match, because I can't even remember the last time I went two full matches without seeing the stupid damn "Oh, the face on the apron is mad because I'm a jackass and trying to remember how the Macarena goes instead of checking to see what the hell's going on in the heel's corner. I better go scream at the face to get out of the ring instead of taking time out of my busy schedule of scratching my ass and sniffing it to look over my goddam shoulder and see if something's actually happening over there..." AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

... Whew. OK, I feel a bit better now.

But seriously, WWE, TNA, hell, just about every creative department in the business. YOU RELY ON THAT STUPID BULLCRAP WAY THE HELL TOO MUCH. Try figuring out what the matches would look like with credible referees, who actually have the capacity to take a bump like a normal human being, and the ability to critically analyze a situation and decide what a proper course of action might be. You might be surprised what happens when the wrestlers get to put together matches that don't involve the same damnable spot, over and over again, to infinity and beyond.

1) replace hornswoggle and sheamus with random midget and large wrestler, and that would be totally over.

[Commissioner D2]

Oh dear Jesus, I wish I was in this round just for the long rant I'd have on CHIKARA for #3.  In fact...screw it.  I'll post it later.

[Jokerfish]

I think were still missing one. Daeva right?

[superradjoe]

cripes these new answers are really long

[kbjone]

cripes these new answers are really long

I'll guess you missed mine. 

And yes, we're just waiting on the Boss. Well, one of them.

[Daeva]

I think were still missing one. Daeva right?

Yes, between being busy with V5, other commitments, and reading the novels that my panelmates dropped, I've been behind. I'll definitely get to this tomorrow.

[Commissioner D2]

Add me in to the next round.

As for what I promised:


3)  An Open Letter To CHIKARA

CHIKARA PRO-

You are a professional wrestling company.  An entertainment medium.  Your colorful roster of characters is vast, but not completely exclusive.  QUIT TAKING YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY OUTSIDE OF CHIKARA.  People know that giant ants cannot talk, or wrestle for that matter.  Ice cream cones aren't people.  Time traveling robots are a part of fiction.  What you do is great.  You offer entertainment to the masses.  However, when somebody has a conversation with somebody else about the people of CHIKARA OUTSIDE CHIKARA, you can't take things to an extreme.  People I know have been BANNED from ANY AND ALL CHIKARA events because of such a conversation.  Kayfabe is one thing.  Taking it to an extreme and forcing us to believe ants are real people is another.

One Of The Banned
D2

[Daeva]

...did you seriously get banned from CHIKARA events?

[Commissioner D2]

...did you seriously get banned from CHIKARA events?

The entire reason I went to the Lafayette show was to support the School Of Roc and see my boy in a CHIKARA ring.  Before the show even started, Quack came and found me, took my ticket, tore it up, and told me "I never want to see your face at CHIKARA again.", and had security escort me out.

[Daeva]

OK, so it's high time for me to get this done. With no further adieu, my responses.

1) John Cena's fallen on hard times. He's in a slump, he squeaked by Brock Lesnar, he's hurt. He's rehabbing at home, cleaning out his garage, and on the top shelf, one of the supports fails, jarring loose his prized bowling ball. Said ball falls sharply on his head, somehow not splitting his skull open like a melon and instead causing him to believe that he is living in the past. 65 million years in the past. He makes his fateful return, dressed in an animal skin and a leather tie, as John Flintrock, man of the mesozoic era! With his trusty club in hand, and his little buddy at his side (played by Hornswoggle!), John Flintrock will send you into a prehistoric nap with his Caveman Slam, a one-arm powerbomb.

2) My ideal date would be a double date with Trish Stratus and Stacy Keibler, with the girls vying for my attention as we savor some fine wine and go dancing. Of course, I wouldn't be able to decide who to bring home with me, so I would float the idea of the three of us all going back to my place... and getting slapped upside the face and kicked in the jaw by Stacy, then Trish, then Stacy again, left KOed on the floor of a fancy restaurant with a four-figure bill. And it would be so worth it.

3) I've got to give a shout-out to my boy, Vince McMahon. Vince, you know I'm a huge fan of yours, and I understand that you're one hell of a promoter and you have a mind for business that sees the long-term play. But, for the love of GOD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE back off with all of the Twitter BS. You're the frigging WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment, a titan of sports-entertainment. Yes, social media is important, but there is such a thing as overdoing it, and the fake "trending now!" bits are overdoing it. Twitter trends change like the tides, anything can trend for a few minutes before it's swept away by something new. Just let the fans follow you and talk about your show on their own, they don't need prodding. Open the door, don't railroad them through it. Sincerely yours, Nate.

[njbrock22]

...did you seriously get banned from CHIKARA events?

The entire reason I went to the Lafayette show was to support the School Of Roc and see my boy in a CHIKARA ring.  Before the show even started, Quack came and found me, took my ticket, tore it up, and told me "I never want to see your face at CHIKARA again.", and had security escort me out.

... sounds like you may wanna have someone you know w/n chikara talk to Quack about being WAY too serious... and seriously, ripping up YOUR Ticket BEFORE the event even starts, and (i'm assuming) not refunding it, is boarderline robbery so you could have gone after him for that... bleh... and here i was thinking about eventually going to chikara shows myself, but if they're gonna pull THAT BS, then no... they've lost all my respect.

N.J.

[Homeless]

...did you seriously get banned from CHIKARA events?

The entire reason I went to the Lafayette show was to support the School Of Roc and see my boy in a CHIKARA ring.  Before the show even started, Quack came and found me, took my ticket, tore it up, and told me "I never want to see your face at CHIKARA again.", and had security escort me out.

... sounds like you may wanna have someone you know w/n chikara talk to Quack about being WAY too serious... and seriously, ripping up YOUR Ticket BEFORE the event even starts, and (i'm assuming) not refunding it, is boarderline robbery so you could have gone after him for that... bleh... and here i was thinking about eventually going to chikara shows myself, but if they're gonna pull THAT BS, then no... they've lost all my respect.

N.J.

i'm unclear as to why this happened? can you elaborate?

[Jokerfish]

(entrance music hits)  http://youtu.be/bUWd2mQ5icQ

All right time to score this shindig. Let me start by saying nobody is getting a 5 for the first question. I appreciate the effort put into your answers, but if I wanted to experienced a long winded narrative  with possibly no payoff I'd have played Mass Effect 3. That being said good job for creativity if nothing else, and now the scores.

Question number 1:
Kbjone:(2)Love the Waterboy reference don't buy the finisher as Insano spoke pretty well.
Daeva:(3)John Cena being packaged into any other Gimmick makes me smile and I can actually see him in a bad Halloween Caveman costume and it's darn funny
Dooshbag55:(2.4)That's Right I did a partial point. Decimals are edgy. This probably would have been higher If I didn't have to look up who Delirious was. Anybody pretending to be warrior is funny.  
Dilbert505:(4)I'm in Awe of this answer. It is hilarious and awful all at the same time. If two things were changed( namely The black face and Evan Bourne being behind it) I would actually think it would be fairly entertaining to watch that unfurl.
Bigpimpin:(3) Highly imaginative highly intellectual and nearly completely over my head. It took me 2-3 reads to figure all of it out.

Question 2
Kbjone:(4) Interesting choice to keep the date KayFabe. I like
Daeva:(4) Office space comes to mind. "2 Girls at the same time"
Dooshbag55:(3) Hot girl. Not much of a Date given.
Dilbert505:(3) sames as Daeva, but no date given
Bigpimpin:(5) It's AJ what can I say, and A nice fun date as well...... New score (-1) for banging  Eve the same night as a date with AJ (the girl has just had a bad break-up)......final score (2) You did bang Eve.  

Question 3
Kbjone:(3) It's a good point
Daeva:(4) At least they aren't doing what realty show do and show tweets during the show
Dooshbag55:(3) I agree for the most point and they are being a bit more savvy in terms of that IMHO
Dilbert505:(5) oh dear god yes. write the refs in such a way that I can't predict the end  of a match because of the ref.
Bigpimpin:(3) another good point.
D2: 2 points Nice Run-in  not sure why they would kick you out some details are a bit vague
I personally would have complained about the length of TV matches as almost all of them are too short.

so it's time for the final scores
Dilbert505 12 points
Daeva:11
Kbjone 9 points
Dooshbag55 8.4 points( feel free to round down when keeping track of the overall points).
Bigpimpin: 8 points.

[Daeva]

and seriously, ripping up YOUR Ticket BEFORE the event even starts, and (i'm assuming) not refunding it, is boarderline robbery so you could have gone after him for that...

I guarantee that the back of the ticket says something along the lines of "CHIKARA may refuse to honor this ticket, without refund or notice, at any time at their discretion." It's standard boilerplate.

I mean, something still stinks in this situation (and I doubt that anything that D2 said re: giant ants and ice creams could elicit THAT response), but refusing service to someone for any reason is par for the course. It's not exercised often because it tanks your rep to take a bunch of people's money and then tell them to go eff off.

EDIT: Back on topic... at least I'm consistent!

[CharismaticZero]

I'll do another round.

[Rein]

John Flintrock has been done on Blue Collar TV lol.  Can't remember who but I think larry the cable guy was Fred Flinstud :p

[dilbert505]

OK, so for this round we have the following entrants:

Jokerfish (previous Dungeonmaster)
Homeless
Antigoth
Superradjoe
CharismaticZero

Counting up the points from before, we have the following standings. First number is total points, the number in parentheses is number of games played:

Daeva: 22 (2)
Dilbert505: 18 (2)
Jokerfish: 11 (1)
Antigoth: 10 (1)
superradjoe: 10 (1)
kbjone: 9 (1)
Homeless: 9 (1)
Jypsy: 9 (1)
SmartAssAssassin: 9 (1)
do0shebag55: 8 (1)
BigPimpin: 8 (1)
Commissioner D2: 8 (1)
CharismaticZero: 7 (1)

And now, the important part: The questions of doom!

1. People want to see the most talented, interesting, charismatic wrestlers holding the title. However, bookers aren't people; they have no interest in that at all. Vince McMahon keeps giving the WWE Title to big, lumbering oafs, Eric Bischoff wanted people who made him personally look cool as WCW Champion, Vince Russo... well, the less said about David Arquette, the better, and Jerry Jarrett's preferred champion was, naturally, his son.

I'm disqualifying you from the human race, effective immediately: You're now the booker for any federation you wish. What annoying, unpopular superstar are you putting the strap on, without any semblance of logic, and why in God's name do you want them holding the title?

2. You're standing in front of a massive buffet table. On the other side of you: Bastion Booger. How do you save yourself from being consumed?

3. Ah, WWE, the land of missed opportunities. They make a ton of money, but so much is left on the table by their constant turning of gold into crap. Your mission, should you choose to accept it*: take any angle in WWE history and fix it. What went wrong, and how do you stop it?

* Note: You actually don't get to choose.

[CreedP]

Post Deleted.

Please - If you aren't participating in the current round, don't interfere with it.  It's not fair to the others.  Play or don't.  (If you have something you think is a funny answer, post it after the round is finished)

CREED

[Homeless]

1) your new UNDISPUTED heavyweight cham-peeeeen! michael cole. cole achieves this feat with the help of his former trainer, jack swagger, and dolph ziggler. they were forced to do this by vickie, who it turns out has been involved in a secret love affair with cole. cole helps vickie win the diva's belt(renamed the cougar-weight championship) and they get SO. MUCH. HEAT.

2) i walk right through him because, if you didn't already know(at which point you should have called somebody), i'm the juggernaut b!tch!!

3) the tale of two kanes: instead of just dropping it after a week, festus-kane gallows would dominate kane, dds. for a couple months. the blow off would be an inferno match where fkg chokeslams og kane so hard it destroys his vocal chords. he then proceeds to burn og's face to win the match, then just kind of fades away into the smoke. og kane returns weeks later in complete old school kane attire with paul bearer explaining that the powers of darkness were not satisfied with his recent lack of destructive rampaging, so this other was manifested to return kane to his former self through brutal violence. and because wwe likes to ruin things, no matter how anyone fixes them, kane goes face 3 months later when it is revealed that there was no manifestation of evil. instead, what really happened was gallows was hired by jr to get revenge for all the times kane set him on fire. kane then feuds with a now heel jr.

[Commissioner D2]

Aw rats...I really thought I made it in time to be in this round

[superradjoe]

1. I would make John Cena champion, both for the joy I get of making people angry on the internet and also because I like making money.  After working at Toys R Us for 4 years, I can tell you parents will spend obscene amounts of money on the dumbest things if their kids love them, and I want that money to be in my pockets.

2.  I call Ryback.  Anytime a jobber is in the way, call whatever the most recent version of Goldberg is.

3.  Within the last few years the best angle in the WWE was also the most botched.  CM Punk went on a roll last summer with a series of great promos and matches leading to his "departure" only to return 2 weeks later on Monday Night Raw.  If I were in charge of WWE, I would have taken a bit longer before bringing Punk back into the picture.  Instead of having a small tournament for the WWE championship, I'd have made it a larger tournament for a belt that is aesthetically different, trying to move on from the big mistake of giving someone the opportunity to leave with our championship.  CM Punk, in the meantime, would keep to Facebook and Twitter posting pictures of himself with the championship at all of the world's landmarks, even taking the belt with him to an indie show or two.  I believe the next Pay Per View was Summerslam, so at Summerslam during the finals of the new championship tournament, with Vince McMahon at ringside, we'll say it was still Cena vs Rey or whatever, Punk pulls the run-in and lays both competitors out, returning to his place as champion.

[Jokerfish]

Question 1:Heath Slater gets the strap. I could have said Hornswaggle but that would be to easy. Same could be said for 75% of the TNA roster as most of the wrestlers are not likable and horrible on the mic. I have to say Slater just because He is one injury away from disappearing altogether. His mic skills are atrocious. His face makes me want to punch kittens. And his in ring suckage was second only Tarver. Seems like the Perfect face for the company to me. 

Question 2:I'd pay Luna Vachon to hit on Booger then Testicle claw him long enough for me to make my escape.

Question 3:I think I would do the ending to the 24th royal rumble differently. Santino should have won The royal rumble is usually one of their bigger PPV but has become way to predictable A Main eventer or some one who is on the cusp of being a main eventer wins 90% of the time. Someone who you thought having no shot at winning would have brought legitamacy back to the PPV. you would have precedent  to have Anyone win it and add some mystery as you could work a Jobber into the final four and people buy that he might win it. Santino would have probably challenged for one of the mid belts or worked a triple threat match for a title and lost. But it would have been better than what happened to Del Rio. Not that you could blame him for Edge retiring.

"It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried." - Winston Churchill