Taking Out The Jersey Trash

A camera moves backstage with Christopher Nowinski leading the way. He's wearing a navy suit jacket over a white shirt with a Harvard Crimson tie over khaki dress slacks as he navigates the corridors of the Canadian Wrestling Alliance locker room area. Eventually he reaches a pre-designated interview area which is filled with Jeremy Borash interviewing some undercard wrestlers for a webcast. Christopher gives the group a stern glance and shoos them off quickly. They don't even question this action as they know what is purpose is, to interview the incomparable DiBiase brothers. Christopher sets up in front of the camera and shows off his trademark arrogant grin as Ted Jr. and Mike DiBiase come in from the camera's right.

Christopher Nowinski Welcome to the interview my friends. For those of you out in television land who may not know, even though you should, this is Ted DiBiase Jr. and his older brother Mike DiBiase. They are the latest wrestlers in the DiBiase wrestling family. A heritage which implies only the finest pedigree for these wonderful competitors. This week you are in a rather interesting match up, would you like to enlighten these buffoons about this?

Ted DiBiase Jr.: Would I like to? Absolutely not. Quite frankly they do not deserve an explanation from someone such as myself. However, because the sound of my own voice suits me I will give them the privilege of hearing me speak. So our match this week is well...different, but that's just how we do things. We are teaming up with Ashley Lane against a couple of scumbags from New York's trash bin. It is a rather unique format though, I think you have something you want to say about it right Mike?

Mike DiBiase: Yes actually there is something I have been meaning to say about this contest. The rules clearly state that men and women can face off in the ring at the same time. So I have to tell that Jersey dyke that I have no problem beating the hell out of a woman. Don't expect me to relent or take it easy on you when we are in the ring together. In fact you should plan on me ratcheting it up a notch just so I can have the pleasure of hearing you scream in agony!

Ted DiBiase Jr.: Yeah, we are a progressive bunch you know. We believe in treating women equally which means handing them out equal punishment in the ring. Speaking of women, here is our partner for the evening. The lovely Ashley Lane!

Ashley Lane: Well thank you Ted for the introduction. It's not every day a lady can get introduced to a national television audience by a man as esteemed as yourself. Especially in a wretched place like this. I mean this whole country is just really a terrible place. It's almost spring and it's still below freezing here! That is just unacceptable. I guess that's why they play that goofy sport with the sticks on ice.

Ted DiBiase Jr.: Hockey?

Ashley Lane: No, curling. It's just stupid. A bunch of overweight pancake eaters tossing around a rock on ice and some other guys brushing the ice with brooms. What in the hell is that about? It makes no sense. It's like bowling, shuffleboard mixed together on ice. GAH, I hate these Canadians!

Christopher Nowinski Ashley, do you have any thoughts about the match?

Ashley Lane: No, I really don't. Why should I? Last week Ted actually eliminated someone from their tag team match unlike the losers we are facing and while we are speaking of losers look at Alyssa. Last week she was the so-called "favorite" in her match against me and I beat her easily with my newly debuted finisher. You crossed into the Wrong Lane you hussy and I put you back in your place. This week is just going to be more of the same. In fact with all the champions being crowned last week you might as well call me CWA's Women's Champion! Since we know there aren't any other women in this company who are going to cross me.

Ted DiBiase Jr.: Well said Ms. Lane. I would also like to remind everyone that my brother Mike and I have an important announcement for the show. It is going to be earth-shattering, jaw dropping and basically the greatest thing to ever appear on television...ever!

Mike DiBiase: It will be the greatest thing until I choke the life out of every single one of our opponent's in our match. That will surpass our announcement in greatness. Just feeling the energy slowly drain from the body of someone in my grasp...it's just overwhelming some times. It's the perfect sensation...it is beautiful.

Ted DiBiase Jr.: ...wow, sometimes you even scare me.

Mike DiBiase: Good.

Ashley Lane: So, you guys said you had a plan to get back at Trish Stratus for the disrespect she showed to me on the first show. What exactly was that now?

Ted DiBiase Jr.: Oh, yes that is actually what our announcement is going to be about, but we can't discuss that here. So I guess we're going to have to take our leave Christopher.

The three teammates begin heading out together. Mike seems in some kind of trance as he mentally prepares for the upcoming battle in the ring. Meanwhile Ted Jr. and Ashley are close together whispering their plan. Ashley giggles and Ted Jr. puts his arm around her as they disappear around a corner. The camera then turns back to Christopher Nowinski.

Christopher Nowinski Well, you heard it here first. The DiBiase brothers and Ashley Lane are going to clean up CWA of that group of despicable vagrants once and for all tonight. I can't wait personally because it will make the locker room smell a lot better.

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