CWA E-Fed: CAW PPV

The camera fades in from commercial break. Funaki sits in the passenger seat of a large van, parked in front of what appears to be a local fitness club in the Cleveland, OH area.

Funaki: "Today, I bring you an interview from the #1 contender, courtesy of CWA's #1 interviewer! Jamie-san, are you sure this is the place?"

The camera motions up and down as the camera man nods in agreement. Funaki reaches for his passenger door and exits the vehicle as the cameraman waits inside for him to open the side of the van. The door opens, and Funaki heads toward the entrance of the building as the camerman steps out and closes the van door behind him. Funaki steps through the front door and walks up to a large, well-built gentleman standing at the front counter of the fitness club with his back to the camera. In the background, heavy rock music can be heard blaring as countless people can be seen working out to the music. Noticing that they are on camera, some of the people flee for cover while others flaunt their bodies.

Funaki: "I was told that I could find Mr. Alpha-san here. Do you know where he is?"

The man turns to face the camera and does what comes natural to him: flexes his pecs, smiles, and winks to the camera.

Man: "What was that?"

Funaki: "Do you know where Mr. Alpha-san is? Fuanki, CWA's #1 interviewer <turns to camera, smiles, and flexes himself> is here to interview him."

The man points to a room to the right labeled "Spa" with his right arm flexed, making sure to reveal every bit of his bicep in the process to the camera.

Man: "Last door on the left."

Funaki motions for the cameraman to follow him as he heads in the direction pointed. The camera turns and follows Funaki to the previously directed room. Funaki opens the glass door to reveal a room with wooden interior and a hot tub located in the center of the room. Alpha sits at one end of the hot tub, a damp wash clothed folded over his eyes, a large cigar protruding from his mouth, and an 80's style boom-box playing Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle album within arms reach. As he hears the door open, Alpha places his cigar in a nearby ashtray and reaches to turn off the boom-box, all without removing the wash cloth or opening his eyes.

Alpha: "Funaki, right? It has got to be. Everyone else knows better than to interrupt me during my time in the jacuzzi."

Funaki: "Yes, you are correct! It is CWA's #1 interviewer, FUNAKI!

Funaki walks behind Alpha and kneels so that the cameraman can capture both in one shot.

Alpha: "Looks like JB is having about the same luck getting a hold of CM Punk
as me. Guy must have started running from me after our first match and hasn't stopped to look back since."

Funaki: "Actually, CM Punk has just recently made an appearance last Tuesday."

Alpha: "I know, I saw! Considering his track record, I expected him to take the CM Punk way out AKA the coward's way. Not that I could have blamed him. The logic is sound... safest way to avoid his fate at the hands of the one and only Alpha while proving what we all have always known...Punk is a loser and a coward!

Funaki: "Do you have anything to say in response to Punk's most recent commentary?"

Alpha: "Seems Punk has decided to re-evaluate his career choices and is beating up punk kinds in the park after school for their lunch money. It's about time that Punk took on some opponents in his league. FYI, Punk: Maybe you should be less interested in some teenagers passing the sticky icky and be more interested in that apparent stick up your A%$. Strike that! You should just be more interested in saving your own A%$ after I am done handing it to you at Shockwave! In two days, I achieve the pinnacle of my career when I become the new CWA champion, and Punk will be sent packing back to his new job as playground monitor. Sort of Fitting...<motions his right hand from left to right>Punk and the punks...CM, you can have that for free. God knows that if they pay you what you are worth, you are going to need all the handouts that you can get."

Funaki: "You seem extremely confidant that you will beat the champ for his belt at Shockwave. Perhaps you are underestimating Punk's chances."

Alpha reaches for his cigar and takes a puff.

Alpha: "Don't get me wrong! I underestimated Punk's willingness to pull all the tricks in his arsenal to win the belt during the first time we met. It's just that this time, I am prepared. Punk has shown that he is willing to do anything, and apparently anyone...<shudders at the thought of Awesome Kong>...to win. Since he is obviously not going to rise to my level, I am going to have to lower myself to his. I will do anything to win at Shockwave. The CWA is going to see a new Alpha, and unfortunately for Punk, he won't even see it coming."

Funaki: "Does this "New" Alpha have any plans for after Shockwave?"

Alpha: "Obviously, Trish is going to have to choose a new #1 contender to face me. The only two guys in the fed with previous experience as world champs are Jericho and JBL, but I am not too worried. Jericho seems preoccupied with his two turds for proteges, Myles and Cilo. It won't be too difficult to keep him down with those two cinder blocks tied to his legs. As for JBL, he seems focused on his own battles with the CWA's own little version of "Law and Order": Dilbert and Payne. He would have to beat them first, and seriously, I don't think he has it in him anymore to do it. Maybe he's too focused with...<taps Play button on boom-box>

Snoop Dogg: "with my mind on my money and my money on my mind"

Funaki stands and begins to cabbage patch to the music.

Alpha: "Now, why did you have to go and ruin the moment?"

Alpha taps the Stop button on his boom box. Funaki looks down as Alpha places his cigar back in the ashtray, tosses the wash cloth from atop his head into the jacuzzi, and quickly reaches out for the dancing interviewer. Already prepared to run, Funaki bolts for the door, leaving Alpha alone in the room with cameraman. Alpha turns to face the camera, a menacing look across his face. The cameraman drops the camera to the ground with a thud and heads for the now open door. The camera lands on its side and goes instantly to static as the program fades into commercial.

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